Kismet
by Adorelo
Summary: Eric loses his control and gets angry at Calleigh, can they kiss and make up? Complete.
1. Control

**Title:** Kismet- fate as a predetermining power.

**Rating:** all chapters T, with one M.  
**Distribution:** Anywhere, just please ask first.

**Thanks:** To adamsgirl for fixing my mistakes :)

**Dedication:** This is for the guys over at talk, who were wondering where all the EC fics have disapeared to.

**WARNING:** Bad language and sexual themes later on... No one under the legal age for your country. You have been warned.

* * *

I am in pain. Actual physical pain. I've been mad before, angry even, but never like this. Standing in a corner of the layout room with, I'm sure, steam coming out of my ears, I try not to listen. Natalia's voice becomes irritating as her words urge Calleigh on. What the hell is she doing? Is she trying to hurt me? She knows very well how I feel about Calleigh, she'd even picked up on it; yet here she was deep into a conversation, encouraging Calleigh to do things that made me want to... Right, evidence. I study the numbers carefully. 'If 415 became 4:15, a time, then the 7 and the 2 mean...' Oh crap, why bother. I lower my head and keep on listening. I have to, I have to hear what he does that makes her so happy. I have to know what I am not doing. 

"...and then Jake said he'd take me to see that movie, the one I was telling you about, if I went with him to..."

Jake.

It has been all of 2 weeks and I was already sick to the back teeth of hearing his name. Just listening to her southern tones flow over his name with each pronunciation makes my skin crawl. Part of me wants to cry; but mostly I want to scream. At him, at her, it doesn't matter. She is closest and I can already feel my rage building. I saw him kiss her, right in the middle of the lobby. I've used the phrase 'heart-broken' rather flippantly in the past, but that's what I was. The moment his lips touched hers, the last of my defences came crashing down and ripped my heart into pieces. Since then I've heard his name too many times for my liking. Jake this, Jake that. I am going insane.

It's like she is deliberately trying to hut me. Maybe she is, could she be that cruel? No, I immediately abolish that thought; Calleigh is the most caring person on the planet. She wouldn't do this if she knew it hurt me. But she must know, how can anyone be that blind.

"...so do you think I should tell my dad that Jake and I are back together, I mean they never got on in the past, but maybe now..."

I love her. I know that and I know she loves me too. She's my best friend; my confidante; my centre. But recently, and I don't know why, all these feelings have intensified. I don't know if I am 'IN love' with her, I have never felt that before,. But whatever it is, it's big.

"...What do you think, Eric?"

Christ, she is still talking? Through my fog of self imposed anger, I notice her intense eyes and decide it's in my best interests to answer. "What was the question?" I ask, fighting back more anger as she gives me that patented 'annoyed' look. Somehow that look always manages to make her look more beautiful, and that makes me angry. I don't want to find her beautiful, I'm mad. I shouldn't even want to look at her right now. I know, intellectually, my rage is irrational. I never told her how I felt, the woman isn't a mind-reader -though I wonder sometimes.

"Are you listening at all?" she asks, and I know she's irritated. I can hear it in her voice and see it in her pose. And that's the thing with Calleigh, no matter what, I know exactly what's going on with her. I can tell what she's thinking by simply looking in her eyes. Always. Except when it comes to me. Useful huh?

"Yeah, I was just caught up in this evidence," I lie, and I know she catches it. I avoid eye contact knowing that would be my undoing. One look in my eyes and I may as well show her my diary. Not that I have a diary but you get the idea.

"Do you think I should tell my dad about Jake and I?" she repeats, rolling her eyes to Natalia. Stay Calm, Delko, I tell myself.

"I don't know, Calleigh. Do what you want," I reply coldly. No 'Cal' this time, no sir, I am mad and I want her to know it. And, oh, she catches it. Boy does she catch it! I see her jaw clench and her eyes turn cold as she turns back to Natalia.

"Well, Jake says..."

Then I lose it. Completely and totally lose it. Control: out of the window. I have never felt so betrayed, so hurt. I slam my hand down on the table, causing them both to jump. "I don't give a fucking damn what Jake thinks!" I scream, totally out of control, with no thought of my surroundings. It's just me and her. " Jake, Jake, Jake! I don't give a damn what you do! Just stop talking for once! I don't want to hear his fucking name again, got it?"

She stands mute, eyes wide as she regards me with a mixture of fear,and anger. I know she's scared, I've never spoken to her like this before. Sure we've fought, but I've never shouted and I have definitely never sworn.

"Jesus," I mutter, and I see her eyes fill with tears. Now at any other time I'd be over there in a flash, arms extended waiting to be brushed of with 'I'm fine', but this time? God, her tears just make me madder.

"Why the hell are you crying!?" I scream again. I can't seem to stop myself. I'm the one who's hurt; I'm the one who has to watch the one I love be with another man. Her boyfriend. Boyfriend; that word alone makes my skin crawl, never mind all the nights I'd lie in bed, imagining him touching her, with hot angry tears on my cheeks. I was alone.

"Eric, what..."

"What? You're asking me what? How fucking blind are you?" I feel my own tears now and turn away, not wanting for her to see me cry. My breath comes out in sharp pants in a vain attempt to contain my rage.

"Why are you being like this? I don't understand.. I..." she tries, but her ignorance only results in more pain for me. I feel like my heart is breaking all over again.

"I can't stand seeing you with him. Get it now?" I almost yell, but stop. What am I doing?

"I didn't know you hate him so much." Her voice is surprisingly soft, given the way I am treating her. I look at her incredulously. I can't believe she doesn't know how I feel, even she cannot deny the sudden tension between us, and she's the master of avoidance.

"He could be anyone, and I'd hate him." That wasn't totally true. I can't stand to see her with anyone, but the fact that it's Jake, well that made me madder. He broke her heart once, and I can't believe she's letting him back in. Calleigh is normally so guarded with her emotions. It kills me to think she's changed for him.

"Why?" She looks seriously confused now.

"Oh please you're not that stupid!" I shoot back, my rage sated for the moment but I can't stop my voice dripping with sarcasm. I see fresh tears form behind the anger before she turns and walks out of the lab.

Shit.

"What the hell was that about?" Natalia asks, and I can see the confusion and worry on her face.

"What were you trying to do, hurt me?" I know I sound pathetic but can't stop my irritation.

"I get it; you're jealous," she states, confidently. I know she sees the question behind my eyes because her lips pull up slightly in amusement.

"I'm not jealous...I'm just..." Jealous. I knew it, she knew it. Hell, I think the entire lab knows it. (Especially after my macho, cave-man display.) That's right boys and girls, Eric Delko is jealous; rip my heart out jealous.

"It's alright to be jealous. I'm just surprised you're not over her yet."

"Over her?" I cry, surprised that my voice take on this squeaky, high-pitched quality.

"Normally your crushes last about a month, then you move on to the next one." She is folding papers and putting them away, talking about it like it was totally obvious. Crush? Man, do I feel guilty. If Calleigh truly didn't know then... but how could she not? I'm not that hard to read.

"Is that what Calleigh thinks?"

She smiles now, almost patronizing, "Eric, with all due respect, you're sexual repertoire could put Casanova out of a job. Do you blame her for thinking it's just a crush?"

I hadn't thought about it like that. My sexual past was a mess, my days of mourning the loss of my best friend, riddled with random anonymous sex.  
Toothing was my way of releasing the pent up anger, and sorrow, but it only left me feeling emptier. Then I lost my badge, and the whole sorry affair came out. I can still remember the look on Calleigh's face when she found out.

The disappointment was obvious, but I still wonder if the flash of pain, and jealousy I'm sure I saw was simply a figment of my imagination, or something real. But she'd been so 'Calleigh' about the whole thing, detached and repressed. Anything that could cause her pain was neatly compartmentalized into that labyrinth that was her heart. A place I can never venture. I know one day all the walls she keeps around her self will tumble down, and I pray that she'll be strong enough to survive. The pain would be a lot easier to bear if she'd just pull them down her self but I know she'd never do that.  
I glance to Natalia and see her looking expectantly. "No, I guess not," I pause, feeling the sorrow and guilt flow over me, sending a stab of pain right to my heart, "but she's with him now." I catch her smile at my avoidance of his name.

"Eric, you know this wont last. She gave him her heart once, and he broke it. She wont risk it again. He's just... a filler..."

"A filler?"

"Yeah, a way to fight the loneliness. You know what I mean. Look, it's the end of shift now, so just go talk to her."

"But she looks so happy..." I say quietly, not wanting to think about her bright smile when she spoke of him.

"Eric, just talk to her."

"Yeah, Ok." I reply uncertainly, sighing before following the same path Calleigh took to the elevator and out of the building.

Time to face the music.

* * *

A/N Ok, the next chapters will alternate between Calleigh an Eric's point of view. I'd love to know how I'm doing so far? 


	2. Revelation

**A/N Thanks to Adamsgirl and Jen for all your help. **

**And to my anonymous reviewers: Janet, Joanne and Curlyfries. I couldn't reply to you so I'll thank you here. Oh, and Curlyfries: Will you ever be able to walk past that street without thinking or E/C? Haha.**

**I appologise for the strange-ness of the formatting when I first posted this chapter, I seem to have fixed it now ;)**

* * *

I go straight home after work, my detour to get groceries cruelly cut off by my emotional turmoil. I have a lot of thinking and processing to do tonight, but what scares me is that I don't know how to. 

How am I supposed to process something I don't understand? Eric is my best friend. I thought I knew him inside and out, but today his atypical behaviour stunned me. His attitude was so strange, but the fact that it was aimed at me…

I actually felt afraid of him. I know, he'd never really hurt me, but my heart still cringed with fear when he raised his voice. I wonder now why his outburst unsettled me as much as it did. I tell myself it's simply his reckless conduct, and try to ignore the inkling of doubt that lies in the back of my mind.

Could Eric's interest in me span deeper than a simple crush? I mean, I know he hasn't been with anyone in a while, and it's only natural for him to develop a sexual attraction to someone. It just so happens that I spend a lot of time with him, I'm the woman he sees most often. I don't believe it's anything deeper. He's just being an ass. 'I don't want her, but I don't want anyone else to have her; especially if I don't like the guy' is the typical male complex that seems to erupt each and every time a guy takes an interest. Not that that's often.

I know Eric is fond of me, but even accepting that we have a deep, albeit slightly ambiguous relationship is a big step, and I can't even begin to believe he's attracted to me. I picture the girls he's dated in the past. All tall, all beautiful, all brunette. Words that are not in my genetic vocabulary. I am not his type. Period.

I think it was my reactions to today's events that have shocked me the most.I became mute, immobile, and I normally don't react like that to confrontation. Then again, when do I ever react normally to anything Eric does? Oh, I know we have our tense moments but I always brush them off as a response to stress.

I must say that his passion excited me. Granted, his choice of words could have been better, but having all that intense, bundled passion directed towards me was strangely titillating. I had no idea he felt that much. I know a relationship with Eric would be very difficult. But it would also be very good. Eric feels things so deeply; I've see him experience more pain and anguish than any human should have to endure, but I've never seen him that upset. It was a humbling thought.

I want to be with Eric. I know that. But having told myself time, and time again that it cannot happen for whatever reason, be that professional or emotional, I have created a blind-spot when it comes to him. A spot that blocks out all romantic feelings towards the man I have convinced myself I can't have. The man I have convinced myself I don't want. But I do. God, I do.

My relationship with Jake is… Well, I don't really know what it is. He's relaxed, kind, generous and so boring I may have to shoot something. I don't know if that's because our relationship is too familiar or something but whenever we try to have a conversation it ends up being forced and awkward. That's the thing with relighting old flames, you may not have much wick left. I fear this one is quickly running out of fuel.

I say fear, but maybe that's why I agreed to restart it in the first place. I can see it's end, I don't have to worry about the maybes, and game playing because I've done them all before. Rightly or wrongly, I'd picked the safer option for me. Ignoring all the overwhelming tension that has suddenly exploded between Eric and I, I have been able to save myself from the unknown, and launch myself into a fruitless relationship with an ex. Convincing myself I wanted a relationship with Jake, when really all I want is Eric.

It isn't fair. To Jake, to Eric or to me. I have a monumental decision to make and, surprisingly I find it's not that hard to make it. I let out a resigned sigh and reach for the phone.

* * *

I check my watch; I've been standing outside her door for seven minutes and 40 seconds. Part of me wants to run but the rational side of my brain keeps my feet planted firmly on the floor. I know I need to talk to her but I fear her reaction. 

Calleigh is not like most people. The things she says in the 'heat of the moment' are usually the most rational, but once she has had chance to process, the thick mask of professionalism comes into place. Which is why I am dreading going inside, her walls will be up and I don't know if I'll be able to climb them after the way I spoke to her today.

I raise my hand and knock three times on her door, preparing myself for her 'I'm fine, forget about it' speech.

* * *

Coat in hand, I'm about to walk out of the door when three soft knocks pull me out of my thoughts. I know that knock. I wasn't expecting him to come so soon. I actually wasn't expecting him to come at all; a phone call maybe, but not a visit. He knew better than to confront me when I was upset. 

Or he should.

I glance down at my outfit quickly before reaching for the door. A flash of panic rakes my body as I realise the green tank top I am wearing can barely contain my breasts. I wasn't expecting company; I was planning a quiet drive alone, and wanted to be comfortable. Now the thin material stretched over my chest may be comfortable, but not really suitable for entertaining; especially entertaining a male. But this is Eric.

Pulling the door open, I drink in the sight of him. Dark work pants replaced by charcoal khakis with a half-buttoned green, and black shirt leaving him looking good enough to eat. I should be annoyed with him but, God, it should be illegal to look that good.

* * *

"Come in," she says, as though she understands how uncomfortable I feel, how unsure I am of her reaction. I move to enter, but I can't take my eyes off her. I have never seen Calleigh look so relaxed, it must be her home environment or something because she looks more radiant than usual. Not to mention that top… Focus, Delko. Remember what you're here to do. 

"Calleigh, I need to say some things to you, and I need you to listen." I hear my voice, much lower then usual and it seems to catch her off guard because she almost drops the spoon she has just grabbed in the process of making coffee.

"Okay, what's up?" she avoids eye contact. Oh, no missy, you're not getting away from me that easily. She's trying to keep this casual, she's obviously formed some kind of defensive plan to counter my words, and I'm about to take the wind right out of her sails. I am not going to let her run from this again, one of us has to make the first move; and I know it'll never be her.

"Calleigh, I'd like to apologize for today… I was a jerk and I had no right to speak to you that way. I was out of order."

She is silent and for a moment I think she isn't going to respond. Then she shocks me, " Why did you?"

"What?!" Road block. I was expecting, 'ok' or, 'forget about it' or even, 'yeah you should be sorry'; this I was not anticipating. What the hell am I supposed to say?

"If you know you had no right to speak to me that way, the why did you?" she is staring at me now, never breaking eye contact.

"I don't know, I guess...I... guess I just lost control…" I stammer, "I'm sorry"

"Why did you lose control?" She looks so calm, how the hell does she do it?

"I was...was…"

"Was?"

"God, I was jealous! Ok? I couldn't stand seeing you with him, talking about him for one more minute!" I walk through the arch to her living room and sit down on the couch, one leg bent and placed on the cushion as I turn towards her. "Do you have any idea how much it hurts? How much it pains me to see you with him? Knowing he's the one who gets to kiss you and hold you and… make love to you… it's driving me insane Calleigh. I know it's not rational, I just can't stand to see you with someone."

"With someone? As opposed to each other?" she replies, bringing the coffee from the kitchen to join me on the couch.

"I know! I know! I just…" I'm cut off by Calleigh's lips moving, as though she's about to speak. I hold up a finger, "Just let me finish, ok? Otherwise I may never get this out," I wait for her to nod before lowering my hand. "There are things that I feel Calleigh, things that I probably shouldn't feel. And if I don't tell you this now then…this jealousy of mine is going to make me do something incredibly stupid; like today.

"I know you think this is just a crush that will go away with time but it's bigger than that. Much bigger. The things I feel for you, I've never felt for anyone else." I lean forwards as she sits. and take hold of her hand, needing for her to know how serious I am. "The first time I met you I knew you were special. That sounds so cheesy when I say it but it's true. You were all smiles, and so blissfully unaware that every guy at the crime scene was checking you out. But I noticed. I always notice." She smiles at that, lowering her eyes.

"Eric…"she starts, then pauses, remembering her agreement to let me talk.

"I think even you can accept that things have become a lot tenser than usual. I don't know why its manifesting itself now but…" I also don't know where all this confidence is coming from, I guess I have a case of the 'screw-its'. "Calleigh, I can't stop thinking about you. I'm just so afraid of screwing this up. I wish you would just tell me the  
perfect thing to say so I could make you happy."

She smiles softly, and I'm amazed to find her eyes suspiciously wet, though no tears fall. I pick up my cup and wince as the hot liquid scorches my lips. "But you're with Jake and I…" Suddenly, I find myself close to tears as the awkwardness returns. I need something to do with my hands so I replace the cup and run my fingers though my hair.

I'm shocked when she reaches up and stills my hands, her finger nails scratch my scalp slightly as she tries to soothe me. "Can I talk now Eric?"

I study her for a moment, noticing how her green eyes sparkle even more under the gentle light of a lamp in the far corner; how her top makes the colour more vibrant. I focus on how the clip that holds all her hair off her face is driving me crazy because my hands itch to take it out. I feel my groin stir slightly at the slight blush that's creeping up her neck. I nod my response, knowing my voice will be laden with my desire.

* * *

Oh god, he shouldn't be allowed to make me feel like this with a simple look. I watch as his pupils dilate, and his breathing becomes laboured. He stares at me from under his eyelashes and seems curiously shy; its adorable, and sexy as hell. 

"First of all," I start, my voice only just above a whisper so he leans in to hear me properly, " You were an ass today, and 'out of order' doesn't begin to cover it." I watch as he hangs his head. Who took over control of my hands at that point, I don't know. But suddenly I was reaching out to palm the side of his cheek, lifting his face to look at mine. "But you're forgiven."

"Good," he smiles nervously, " I'd hate to feel the wrath of Calleigh Duquesne." Hearing him say my name in that gravely tone sent shivers across my abdomen.

I chuckle tensely at that, " But now we need to talk about Jake."

"Do we have to?"

"I think so. You have to know why I decided to get back with him."

"Oh, great." he mutters, clearly not liking the topic of my choice.

I drop my hand, "Could you lose the sarcasm, Delko?" he flinches at my use of his last name. I only do that when I am angry.

"Sorry. It just hurts."

"Maybe you'll like this story." I say cryptically, before continuing with my tale. "Jake was familiar, I knew what to expect and I didn't have to play any games. It was nice, but…"

"But?"

The hope in his voice nearly floors me. I'm not used to this Eric yet. The 'post gunshot wound Eric' was different, but I still love him.

"But I realise now I was with him for the wrong reasons. It was purely because I was too afraid to deal with…" I break off again, I really need to find a way to just get this out. There is no verbal prompt from Eric his time, though his eyes urge me on. "To deal with how I feel… for you." I hear his intake of breath and realize this is the first time I have properly acknowledged the subject. " I spoke to Jake before. I told him I needed some time to think about our relationship, and whether or not I think it should continue." I chuckle bitterly, " He wasn't too happy about that."

"Calleigh, what do you feel?" his voice is riddled with reverence and his look is so intense it scares me. So does his question for that matter, and I feel the usual defences coming into play. I wont back away, not this time. I am tired of being lonely, of being scared of letting people in. Eric is different and every bone in my body recognizes that. He is interwoven so completely into the fabric of my being that I literally cannot function without him. I never thought I would be dependent on anyone other than myself, but Eric got under my skin. His smile can tighten my chest to the point where I can't breathe.

Most men make you feel you have to change in order to be good enough, Eric makes me feel that I am good enough just as I am. That I can be the best I can be without any pretences or masks. He believes in me, he trusts me, and he accepts me for who I am. I stare at him for a moment, considering what I want to say. What do I feel? I feel a lot Mr. Delko, I am just not sure how much I should share with you right now.

" I think we should…"

"No, Cal, Not what you think. I want to know what you feel."

"I'm scared." I admit, honestly.

"Of what? Me?"

"Yes." I see his incredulous look, " Not physically, I know you would never intentionally hurt me. But Eric, you do things with such passion and such intensity that I am afraid. Scared that one day I am going to fall off this pedestal you place me on, and disappoint you!"

"Calleigh, you could never.."

"No. My turn." I say, and he falls silent, " I could so easily let you down. I see the girls you go for, and I am not like any of them. I'm not tall and beautiful with legs up to my neck and huge boobs…"

"Given this some thought?"

"… and I'm not good with emotions. I can't identify…No that's wrong, I can identify them but I can't express them, and sooner or later you're going to get sick and tired of it and…

"Calleigh, I have been your best friend for over 5 years, I know all this, and you know what?"

"What?" I ask quietly.

"I love you even more because of it."

"What?"

"Any other questions in your vocabulary?" he smiles, " Calleigh, you are an amazing woman, and what's even more amazing is that you don't know you're amazing."

"Now who's repeating words?" I quip, hoping to break this intense moment. I have lost control and I want it back. But he's having none of it.

He leans forward, our noses now only inches apart, " Do you have any idea what you do to me?" I shake my head almost imperceptibly, but he catches it. "You have been driving me crazy for five years Calleigh. I notice everything you do, every little move you make. Each, and every time your tongue dips out to lick your lips. Every time you sigh, I watch your chest rise and fall. And the best," he's panting now, his eyes riveted on mine, " the best is when I embarrass you, and I watch that slow blush creep across your face and neck. Do you have any idea how much that turns me on?"

HolyMotherofGod. I swallow noisily and his eyes focus on my throat, as though proving his point. He leans down slowly, giving me every opportunity to pull away; and I know I should, but some dangerous part of me is curiously excited by his revelations, and that part of me appears to be controlling the lips. I lean up to close the gap and immediately moan as I feel his hot lips swipe across mine once, twice, three times before his tongues stabs at my teeth, begging to enter.

I let him in, revelling in the raw sounds I am dragging from his throat as out tongues duel for supremacy. His taste is so uniquely Eric I know I wont be able to live without this, one taste and I know I am addicted. I have never been taken over by a kiss, but as his hands slid up my back and pull the clip out of my hair I know can't stop. My control is gone out the window and that is my dirty little secret. I love to lose control in the bedroom. I am so uptight and professional at work I just need someone to take me away from it all, the only problem is, I have never had a lover I trust enough to give away that control to.

Eric's hands are now threaded through my hair, his lips on my neck and I feel hot darts of pleasure shoot straight down to my core. The pleasure is suddenly to much and I feel the room start to sway and my eyes become unfocused.

"Calleigh? Hey, where are you going?" He asks, smiling though I can see the concern in his eyes through my haze as he physically holds me up. "You stay with me."

"Mmm" Is my response as he kisses me on the forehead before pulling me up to straddle his legs, holding me close in a loving embrace.

"Calleigh," he waits until I am looking at him before continuing. "What do you want from this? I mean, I can't do this if it's just…physical. I need to know what this is."

I glance to his lips, now swollen from our little session, all I can think about is his taste, his warms lips moving against mine. I know he's waiting for an answer, and I take a deep breath, trying to focus.

It's now or never.

* * *

_**E/N: Next chapter will be the last. I'd appreciate your opinions?**_


	3. Explosion

_**A/N** This is un beta-ed because I have gone away and needed to post before I left. It will be updated with the beta-ed version as soon as I get it back._

* * *

"Calleigh?" I repeat, desperate for an answer. She looks me in the eye, frowning slightly as thought trying to decide something important. As much as I want her to think about this and make the right choice, I am finding it increasingly difficult to ignore the ache between my legs. I have to touch her, I'm getting desperate. I thread my hands back though her hair, wondering how I manage to stop my self from touching it at work when it looks so damn enticing. I get distracted as I realize her intense eyes are continuing to assault mine. 

She shifts suddenly, and I have to suppress the low moan that threatens to come out as she brushes against my bulge. Not yet! I say 'yet', and it is almost pathetic how hopeful I am; but as she opens her mouth to speak, hope is the only thing I have to hold on to.

"I want - I need…" She breaks off, regrouping her thoughts. She is quiet for so long I don't think she'll respond, but then, "I don't want this to stop."

Typical Calleigh. She won't say what she feels directly but she'll skirt round and obfuscate to get what she wants with minimal chance of danger. It was a self-preservation thing I had come to associate with Calleigh. This time though, I needed a straight answer.

"Neither do I, Cal." I reassure her, because she suddenly looks nervous, "But I need to know what this is…What do you feel for me?"

She pauses again, and I can almost hear her cogs ticking as she attempts to verbalize her feelings. Because she won't just blurt it. She'll summarize, organize and plan her words before they leave her mouth. I rarely get to see 'spontaneous Calleigh'.

"I trust you, Eric."

Bingo. Trust: the five-letter word that seems to define what we have so completely. It's strange, many people don't understand the paramount trust we share. I am often humbled to the point of tears that she is willing to give it to me so easily. When Calleigh trusts someone, she feels safe enough to be vulnerable in front of him or her. She's seldom vulnerable, but when she is, she rarely hides it from me.

I realize from her silence that this is her full answer and, while it's enough for me, she needs to know what she's getting her self in for. "This isn't just a one time thing, Calleigh. This isn't just sex to me. I want it all." I pause, pulling her closer so my forehead rests against hers, "If we do this, there is no going back, not for me. I refuse to hide anymore. I won't."

She lifts her head, smiling that soft smile that always manages to turn my stomach in knots and plants her lips firmly on my forehead, hands caressing my face. My eyes close as I inhale her scent. I vaguely hear her mumble, "Me either…" before her lips travel down my face to suck on my jaw.

Funnily enough, 'me either' just became the most became the most eloquent phrase in the English language. She said everything I wanted to hear. Trust is a very important concept to us; it seems to represent things neither of us can verbalize. I realize now that, in trusting me so completely, she is giving me access to a part of her I never thought I could reach; her heart.

My mind can no longer comprehend the compassion and love I feel for this woman, so I decide to show her instead. Giving my self to her as completely as she has to me, I lean down and assault her neck with feather light kisses, reveling in the soft moans I receive in return.

Her deft little fingers reach to undo my shirt, brushing my skin slightly with her fingertips, causing me to shiver. I reach down to quickly remove hers, getting inpatient with her painstakingly calm movements. I hear her chuckle softly at me eagerness and if it were anyone else, I would be embarrassed. I have to touch her, and not innocently this time I have to know if the skin I have dreamed and fantasized about for so long was really as soft as I'd imagined it to be.

* * *

Oh God, this is really happening. With our shirts now removed, he went for my bra, pulling it down slowly, revealing my hot nipples to the cool air, causing them to harden painfully. He cups my breasts gently, rolling my swollen buds between his finger and thumb. I feel his fingers squeeze me hard and the room starts to spin once again. Desire is evident on his face, the only hint of his uncertainty from his unsteady hands; the only hint of his fear from his wavering eyes. 

I reach down for his pants and watch as his eyes go wide. He is so bewildered, it's adorable. I am still trying to deal with the magnitude of what we are doing. I don't know why I want it, I just know I do. Emotions are not things I am used to dealing with. They cannot be quantified or analyzed; they don't fit into my rigid structure of fact and reality. They just are. Color rather than black and white. Complex rather than simple.

But somehow, Eric makes that all ok with just one kiss. He understands my dilemma, and I know he intends to make me forget it all. This time I want to. I want to give him my control and trust him implicitly to take care of me. As I undo his zipper, lifting my hips to make room for his pants to fall down, I know I am safe.

* * *

Suddenly, I can't take it anymore. I lift her up, kicking my pants away, boxers conveniently tangled up, and walk to the bedroom. I find myself hesitating slightly at her door, unsure if I should just walk in or not. She gives me another amused look before sucking on my pulse again. I smile, despite my uncertainty. Calleigh Duquesne has given me permission to enter her bedroom with her; and I am sure she's just given me a hickey. This time I don't mind, if she wants to mark me then so be it, I'm all hers now anyway. 

I lay her down as gently as possible, deciding she has way too many clothes on. I kiss down her neck, moving first from one swollen mound to the other, kissing every new bit of skin I come across. My hands reach down to unzip her pants and I push them down as far as I can, her hands reaching to assist.

I allow my lips to dance with hers one more time before lifting up to see her completely.

Damn.

"God, Calleigh. You're beautiful." I say, feeling foolish right away. Of course, I already know she is beautiful but I have never seen so much Calleigh skin before and it is defiantly a sight I will remember. I feel like I should bow down and worship her. Well, with that thought….

I kneel by the side of the bed, bringing her hips to the edge. I play with her panties, teasing the lace around her lips with my fingertips. However, the moan I receive when I brush her clit makes me reach up and pull them down, now desperate to taste her.

"Eric…" she breathes as I lower my head to kiss her nether lips softly. I pull her feet up to rest on the bed and begin trailing feather light kisses across her thighs. I can tell from here how wet she is. I can smell her and her scent makes me feel euphoric. I can't wait to feel her but I am determined to take my time. I kiss her folds gently, reveling in the low, sultry moan I gain in response. I love that sound. I lick her again, deeply this time, determined to focus on her pleasure but I find myself struggling as each moan and writhe sends bolts of pleasure straight to my erection, making it stand even taller.

She tastes amazing, a tangy flavor that is so uniquely her I feel undeserving. I want to get revenge for all the times I have had to hide my arousal at the lab, feigning fever when a flush covers my face, so I move lower, studiously avoiding her clit, as I taste how close she is. I savor the moments, loving the sounds, knowing it is me who is doing this to her. But it is not long before I can't ignore my ache any longer, so I decide to get serious, allowing my fingers to join the party. One hand massages her inner walls, the other lifts the hood covering her clit, making my tongue feel harsher on her sensitive nub.

And she goes wild. Her hips buck into my face and I use my elbow to hold them down as I suck her clit harder. She is slick and wet, her juices running down over my fingers momentarily before I feel her walls start to spasm. Her hands clasp the bed sheets, fisting into tight balls as she rides out a powerful orgasm. Her back arches when she erupts again as I keep my fingers pumping furiously whilst straining to see her face.

Her constant moans become my name as she slowly comes down, panting on the bed, still unable to open her eyes. "Oh God, Eric. How do you… God…"

I smiled, feeling rather proud. It was so unbelievably sexy to see her react like this. I thought I couldn't get any harder, but seeing her orgasm proved me wrong. I was totally strained now, the skin stretched taught across my head, nearing the point of pain.

I moved up, kissing her again, knowing she could probably taste herself upon my lips. "Sweet Jesus, Calleigh, you're so beautiful."

"Eric…" she tried, deciding instead to smile. It seemed coherent sentences were no longer possible for her. And again that made me proud. Calleigh is usually this quintessential professional with all her proverbial ducks in a row; it seems I have knocked quiet a few off. My intention was to make her let go of all that stoic control she holds so dear to her heart and let her be the passionate woman she wants to be. I just hope she trust me enough as she says she does to let me take control.

I thread my hands back through her hair, kissing the ends of it as I turn it up to tickle her cheek. "Let me make love to you, Calleigh."

* * *

"Eric… I want… I want….you…" I breathe again, cursing my lack of coherence. God what this man did to me. 

"Mmmm. But I want to make love to you Calleigh. You ever done that?" His eyes are staring into mine, his hands now cupping my face.

"What? Eric, I'm not a virgin."

He smiles and it would be patronizing if it were anyone but Eric, "Calleigh, that's sex. I want to know if you've ever made love."

"I… I don't know… there isn't a difference…"

"Of course there is. Sex is just sex. When you make love, it's done with reverence and awe and a lot of trust."

Oh.

"Calleigh, I want to make love to you. I want to become one with you, to feel your trust with every stroke." He pauses, rubbing his nose across mine in an Eskimo kiss. "Will you let me take you that way? To make love to you?"

Oh God. "Yessss." I hiss, "Eric, take me." I don't want this to be just sex. I care about Eric to much for something so meaningless. I want to show him, I want us to make love.

* * *

With Calleigh writhing before my eyes, a thin sheen of sweat covering her body, I have to take a moment to gather my control. 

I lean down to kiss her throat again, resting my head in the crook of her neck. "Cal, do you wanna… be… Umm. On top… Or?" I stammer, not knowing quiet how to word it.

"No, I want to feel you surrounding me. All of you"

"Are we protected?" I ask her.

"Yeah, we're good. God I want you inside me."

With that in mind, I slip down, lining our hips up. I take a deep breath, preparing myself for the ultimate act of trust. The physical union of our bodies as one. I can't believe this is Calleigh.

"Eric, I'm so wet for you," she moans and I gulp, this is way too much. My head is spinning with arousal. I press me head to her lips, feeling her hot fluids fizz over me and down my shaft. I hold in place.

"Eric, please... Oh God, please take me…" Usually, Calleigh is always the one in control, but now she is literally begging me to take her. The irony doesn't escape me, but I know I can't do this. She has to be the one to take this step.

She knows my intentions so raises her legs, draping her thighs around my waist, causing me to push in a little more. God, she's tight. I lift up, pushing steadily now, her little act of decisiveness taking away both my worries and my control. Her wet tunnel is hot and tight; I know I have never felt this way before. I feel the sting of tears in my eyes and I don't try to hide them from her. As I penetrate her for the first time, I feel raw, open and so unbelievably exposed. I try to let her see it.

Heat. Soft swollen and quivering heat is all I can feel as she envelopes my monstrous shaft. I am not excessively large but I am above average. However, watching my self enter her tiny body, I feel like a giant. I try to go slow, knowing how small she is compared to me.

Her chest flushes red, her nipples pebble into little beads of desire. I can't believe I am doing this to her. She is near the edge already and I am not even fully inside her yet. Part of me is glad; I know this wont last long. I press a little harder, mindful of the fact she is so tiny. I am fearful of hurting her.

As though she reads my mind, she reaches for my hips, pulling me roughly towards her, but I hold my ground. "Eric," she moans in frustrations, but I continue slowly until I am fully embedded, pressing up against her cervix. We both moan.

She starts humming in the back of her throat and I decide that defiantly goes on my list of favorite Calleigh sounds, it is so erotic. I move slightly, pulling out and pushing in again hard. She makes no sound but her fingernails scratch my back, the slight pain a welcome distraction from my impending orgasm. I can tell she's holding back.

"Let me hear you Calleigh. Tell me what I'm doing to you."

This was never how I'd imagined out first time. I'd expected a wild explosion of lust, not this slow, rapturous exploration of each other. It was unbelievable.

"So good. God… You... make me feel… so good" she moans, and I feel my chest swell at her words. She is amazing, "God Eric…"

Hearing her call my name in that soft southern drawl is nearly my undoing, I can't wait this out any longer, I want to feel her come around my hard shaft. But first, it is time fore some pay back.

* * *

I am trembling, literally trembling from the please he is giving me. He isn't rushing this, but I needed more. I speed up my hips, thrusting into him harder, but he is having none of it. 

"Nope, my turn."

I am confused, "You're turn? For what."

"For pay back. I'm going to make you pay for all those times you're teased me. You do what I say tonight."

His commanding voice sends more ripples of please through my body. God, I've already had one orgasm but hearing his low voice command me was such a turn on. I hiss again as his hands come up to pinch my nipples, making them harden to the point of pain once again. He seems to realize and leans down, lapping his tongue against my peeks before returning to my neck.

"You know what I'm gonna do to you? How you're going to pay?" he whispers against my ear, causing shivers to rake down my spine. I try to shake my head but I can't concentrate. "I'm going to build you up over and over, take you to the edge as many times as possible. Then maybe you'll have paid."

OhMyGod. I think I just whimpered, and I am sure I have never made these sounds before. He is driving me crazy already; all I can think about is his hot hard shaft between my legs; like velvet over steel. He is moving oh so slowly, building me up exquisitely.

"Yeah, that's what you can do. Don't hold back. Make noise; let me know what I'm doing."

And boy, do I. I let go of that last little bit of reserve and let Eric take me completely. With every stroke he brought me further to the brinks of pleasure only to wait for me to return.

"You are so unbelievable beautiful. I can't believe… I'm inside you…Jesus you're so sexy…"

He was relentless, building me up then kissing me into submission. I was on fire.

"Mmmm God, how the hell… do… you…do…this." I pant out, feeling delirious as he takes me to the edge of ecstasy and holds me there. I'm feeling dizzy, not sure how much more I can take. I continue to grunt, groan and beg. Yes, I beg, I beg him for release, for a little bit of my control back but again he's not giving it to me. He never speeds up, he never thrusts hard enough to push me over the edge, it is as though he is waiting for something and it is only as I start to beg in frustration at this exquisite torture that I find out what it is.

"Oh Eric, please. Take me harder. Make love to me, Eric… please… I need you…"

I feel him shift slightly and suddenly he's pounding into me over and over. From slow and languid to fast and furious, with no less passion, I am out of my mind with pleasure.

I know I will never find this kind of passion with anyone else. His steady rhythm has been lost and our new explosive rate has me moaning continuously. "Oh God, oh God. Mmmm, Eric, oh yeah…harder, fas-ter…" I am begging like a wanton hussy and it seems to be turning him on even more. Three of four more hard strokes are all it takes and my body, held back for so long, releases its self into a raging storm of pleasure.

My nails dig in harder as his hips continue pounding me. I wail a wordless cry, gripping him tightly within my vibrating tunnel. I feel him jerk twice before he empties himself inside me, an agonized cry coming from the back of his throat. He looks so beautiful.

Eric's face grimacing in the pleasure/pain of his sudden orgasm is the last thing I see before blackness clouds my vision and the power of my spasms finally pushes me into unconsciousness.

"Calleigh?" I hear Eric voice from somewhere and force my eyes open in time to see his concerned but sated face staring down at me. "Hey." I smile, reassuring him that I'm ok.

"Wow, Eric…that was…"

"Yeah." We both moan at the loss as he pulls out of me, flipping onto his back with me still in his arms. I snuggle further into his embrace. A wave of something that feels like guilt or worry suddenly hits me.

Jake.

* * *

"Calleigh?" I ask, noticing she's been quiet for a while. I already know she's feeling guilty about Jake, she hasn't done anything wrong but when she hasn't followed the book, she worries. 

"Yeah?"

"You OK?"

"Yeah." she replies, lifting her face to look at me, "Better than OK. That was amazing Eric. I never though it could be like that."

"What can I say, I'm an amazing man." I joke, enjoying the smile I get in return.

"Only when you have an amazing woman behind you."

"Beside me, Calleigh." And she always has been. I feel another rush of emotion fill my body and I pull her closer.

"Sleep now" I say, pulling the covers over us and rapping my arms around her. We are silent for a few moments before I kiss the top of her head gently, "Think this was meant to be Calleigh?"

"I think so," she sighed. "Must be fate."

"Mmmm," I agree, "Kismet."

* * *

_**End.** I plan a sequel in which Calleigh fully breaks up with Jake and there is more EC love. That will only be one or two chapters. Though._

_Please let me know what you though of this. I have never written M before... how did I do?_

_xx_


End file.
